Parable: The New Age Creates Perfect God,
Let Us Make God In Our Own Image
J. C. Vorfeld
And behold, the Intellectual Hierarchy of the World (IHW) bestowed upon the Quantum Earth Committee (QEC) an awesome assignment: responsibility for design of the Ultimate Syncretistic Deity (USD), a state-of-the-art God for the New Age. QEC ordained a global network of esoteric quality circles/task teams to establish parameters for the USD. And it came to pass, after forty days and forty nights of brainstorming, force-field analysis, and research, recommendations were finalized and presented to QEC.
Now on the forty-first day, QEC met with IHW; they decreed that the schematic was suitable — subject to acceptance by the Quantum Quality Control Circle (QQCC). After intense inspection and dialogue, QQCC gave its Seal of Approval, whereupon a revolutionary news conference was held. Esteemed members of the World Press Consortium (WPC) were summoned to IHW Headquarters in New York City.
Somberly, individuals entered the dusky conference room. In the beginning the Chairperson said, "Let there be light." And there was light. As the caucus ended, WPC personnel rushed out to transmit news of the upcoming paradigm shift. Within an hour, the entire global population had been advised that they would soon have a perfect God... one who would meet the religious requirements of every human being, whether Atheist, Agnostic, Antichrist, Bhagwanist, Buddhist, Hindu, Humanist, Monist, Muslim, Non-theist, Pantheist, Polytheist, Satanist, Spiritualist, Theosophist, Transcendentalist, or Zoroastrian!
The following is a synopsis of the official INW/QEC/QQCC press release:
The USD will be a slightly supernatural Homo sapiens-style being, able to appear and disappear as long, and only as long, as he precisely carries out QEC instructions. Provided he vows never to lose contact with QEC Universal Communication Control Center, he'll be allowed to travel the length and breadth of the universe.
Despite certain vehement objections, it was ordained that USD be masculine in appearance, when he is permitted to materialize. He will have the physiognomy of a Sylvester Stallone, the mind of a Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the wisdom of a Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and the ability to keep a following of a John F. Kennedy.
The Aquarian Age divinity will hold graduate degrees from the world's most prestigious colleges and universities, and will be esteemed for his cognizance of the arts, economics, education, politics, science, sports, and sociology. His approach to areas of controversy will be synergistic.
In terms of religion, the USD will be 100% syncretistic. When allowed to be in his ethereal state, he'll have the ability to be everywhere and in everything concurrently.
And thus will humanity become divine.
Verily, the bionic blueprints were telecopied to the Chief Director of Global Physiopsychopneumagenetic-engineering Headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland, with instructions to complete the project in six days. And it came to pass at the end of the sixth day, the Chief Director exclaimed, "It is finished."
And behold, Man looked at the god of His creation and stated, "it is very good, as long as it obeys orders. For lo, it would not exist but for the grace of Mankind." Selah.